Do's and Don'ts of of educating our children about intimacy/sex
Don'ts Do's
1. Sex is bad 1. Parents explain together/ be the source
2. Plumbing lessons 2. In context of the plan of salvation "big picture"
3. pseudonyms 3. Old enough to understand what sacred means, sex is
4. leave it up to someone else sacred
5. tell them the night before the wedding 4. use caution and wisdom
6. Be embarrassed about it 5. answer/teach when they ask
7. shut down 6. Positive, not negative
8. talk excessively about it 7. boundries/protection
It is important for you, as a parent, to teach your child about sex and not to let anyone else to do it. If you are worried about the right time to talk to your child about sex I would recommend just answering their questions when they ask you about it and if you want, set an age when you want to talk to them about so it so if they haven't asked questions yet you can tell them about it. I feel like I would rather my child have the correct facts rather than have someone tell them about it and get it wrong. Plus, I want them to understand that sex is a sacred thing only between a man and a woman, not a man and a man or a woman and a woman. They are your children, protect them and love them!
Lerin Bell
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Power!!
Different kinds of powers are:
Coersive- to avoid punishment by spouse
Reward- to obtain rewards form spouse
Legitimate- spouse has the right to ask and you have the duty to comply
Referent- Identification with and admiration of, spouse and desire to please him or her
Informational- persuasion by spouse that what spouse wants is in your own best interest
These are powers that husbands and wives uses over each other all the time without fully realizing that they are doing it because they are doing it all the time. When you realize you are doing it or it has been pointed out to you then you can change what you are doing. Changing is something that takes time and diligence and is not something you should try for a day and then give up on because it is so hard. I think it is a very important thing to find out how you are and to try and change and not use negative power over other people. Also, I think it is important to find out what and how you respond to what others do and to what you don't like. For example, I am the type of person that when I get mad I cannot think so I have to walk away for a while, cool down, think about it and then go back and talk nicely about it. Also, I noticed that I don't like it when people get mad at me and then walk away, it really helps me when they say, "Lerin, (explain why they can't talk to me right then, and then tell me something like) I need to think about this, I am going to take a walk and think and then we can talk." I think this is effective because then nothing is getting worked out through anger and they have explained to me why they can't talk at that moment, no matter what it may be.
Our brains, when they perceive danger, can't tell whether it is emotional danger or physical danger and we automatically assume it is physical danger and defend ourselves. This is why I think it is effective to stop and think about it before you act.
One thing I think is very very important to do with your significant other or with your friends is to talk about how to handle challenging situations just so they know and so you are more aware or become more aware of how you are. When that happens they are able to accept you and the ways you are and you are more able to be aware. You should also try and accept the other persons ways as well because once you acceptance is very valuable.
What is power? The ability to influence another person in terms of how they think, feel, or act.
I like this definition because it shows that we can influence or have power over another persons actions or the way they think by just saying something good or bad. Different kinds of powers are:
Coersive- to avoid punishment by spouse
Reward- to obtain rewards form spouse
Legitimate- spouse has the right to ask and you have the duty to comply
Referent- Identification with and admiration of, spouse and desire to please him or her
Informational- persuasion by spouse that what spouse wants is in your own best interest
These are powers that husbands and wives uses over each other all the time without fully realizing that they are doing it because they are doing it all the time. When you realize you are doing it or it has been pointed out to you then you can change what you are doing. Changing is something that takes time and diligence and is not something you should try for a day and then give up on because it is so hard. I think it is a very important thing to find out how you are and to try and change and not use negative power over other people. Also, I think it is important to find out what and how you respond to what others do and to what you don't like. For example, I am the type of person that when I get mad I cannot think so I have to walk away for a while, cool down, think about it and then go back and talk nicely about it. Also, I noticed that I don't like it when people get mad at me and then walk away, it really helps me when they say, "Lerin, (explain why they can't talk to me right then, and then tell me something like) I need to think about this, I am going to take a walk and think and then we can talk." I think this is effective because then nothing is getting worked out through anger and they have explained to me why they can't talk at that moment, no matter what it may be.
Our brains, when they perceive danger, can't tell whether it is emotional danger or physical danger and we automatically assume it is physical danger and defend ourselves. This is why I think it is effective to stop and think about it before you act.
One thing I think is very very important to do with your significant other or with your friends is to talk about how to handle challenging situations just so they know and so you are more aware or become more aware of how you are. When that happens they are able to accept you and the ways you are and you are more able to be aware. You should also try and accept the other persons ways as well because once you acceptance is very valuable.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Things I learned about Love and marriage
1)Before marriage-make the marriage important not the wedding
When you do this you are not thinking all about yourself, you are being less selfish and you want to make the other person happy.
2)marriage is a give-give relationship, not a give take relationship
If you have one person giving and one person taking, the taking person may be happy but they will get more selfish and it could potentially end up with the marriage ending or maybe/hopefully some counseling to help the couple find what they could do. Also, in this give-take relationship the person giving might want something back and the other person may not know what to do or may not want to.
3)When you are married you become ONE
When you are married you and your spouse will talk about everything, you will make decisions together and do things together that you wouldn't normally do with someone else. You may be stepping out side your comfort zone for a while but it is always for the better when you try and become one. When you are cohabiting this doesn't really work, you don't really become one because you haven't made that commitment and you don't feel obligated to shared everything because you still think "well, we're not married so why do I have to tell you everything?"
4)communication is key!
In a relationship, marriage or not marriage, communication is key! When you comunicate with your spouse you are telling them that you trust them and that you want to tell them things and in return want them to tell you things.
5) Know, Trust, Rely, Commit, Touch
Soooo, In any relationship you are in getting to know the person is the first thing you should do. In coming to know them, because you are communicating with them you are coming to trust them and in turn they are coming to trust you more, as that communication and trust build you will later be able to rely on them...kind of like a really really good friend. Once you have build that trust, then comes the commitment (I feel like this should be the period when you start dating because everything else builds out of friendship), one thing to be careful about is not letting the touch factor enter the relationship to early because then it can cause problems and might be in the relationship just because of the touch factor and that is never good.
6)Love
Love is an active process, this requires both the man and the woman and a whole lot of giving and caring for one another. One of the apostles once said, "Love is having an anxious concern for the well-being of another person."
7)Intimacy
As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we learn that sex between a man and a woman is a sacred thing and should not happen until you are married and you are a husband and a wife. Intimacy in marriage is something that is a beautiful thing and it is something that God is pleased with, it can bond the husband and wife together in many ways and it can bring children in the world, one of the greatest blessings.
I once heard that there in not "the one" person out there for you, there is a good, better and best (the way I look at it) out there for you, and when you find what you think may be the best for you the only things to do is love that person. "choose your love, love your choice." Love is something that takes work on both sides and requires you loving your choice wholeheartedly! In the end, it is up to us to find that imperfect person and love them so much and treat them like the son or daughter they are.
As human beings, males and females are made differently and are different in many ways.
Males Females
Aggressive/protective Nurturing
Competitive Cooperative
Spacial Detailed/landmarks
Task Relationship
Action based Verbally expressive
Analytical Emotional minded
Reserved Open
logical Sensitive
Men and women, if you look closely at the differences, compliment each other, we were made to be together. In "The Family; A Proclamation to the World" it says, "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." The way we were made was on purpose. Some boys may play with dolls and some girls may be 'tom girls' but even though we may do gender atypical things it doesn't mean we don't grow out of those things or that we have to become gay or lesbian. In fact, i have a little brother that liked to play with dolls with my sister and I, and he turned out just fine, in fact, if anything, he has learned more about girls and their emotions and how to treat them nicely. The Proclamation also states that, "By design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help on another as equal partners." Gender differences are divine and they way we are made is part of Gods plan for us as his children.
Males Females
Aggressive/protective Nurturing
Competitive Cooperative
Spacial Detailed/landmarks
Task Relationship
Action based Verbally expressive
Analytical Emotional minded
Reserved Open
logical Sensitive
Men and women, if you look closely at the differences, compliment each other, we were made to be together. In "The Family; A Proclamation to the World" it says, "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." The way we were made was on purpose. Some boys may play with dolls and some girls may be 'tom girls' but even though we may do gender atypical things it doesn't mean we don't grow out of those things or that we have to become gay or lesbian. In fact, i have a little brother that liked to play with dolls with my sister and I, and he turned out just fine, in fact, if anything, he has learned more about girls and their emotions and how to treat them nicely. The Proclamation also states that, "By design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help on another as equal partners." Gender differences are divine and they way we are made is part of Gods plan for us as his children.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
This past week we have been talking a lot, in this class and in others, about if the experiences you have shape the person you are. Does your family having money help or hurt you? Can we really understand each others family experiences?
What is the purpose of family? To support, to accept and love unconditionally no matter what, to help you learn and grow and become a wonderful person. I feel we have a family to help us accomplish all of these things individually. As we grow we can become more loving and accepting of each other or we can take the opposite road, all depending on how we are raised and if we put our social class above the family.
In my opinion, I feel that money is a necessity, we need to to have a roof over our heads, to provide us with nourishment, to pay our bills and to help us accomplish many things in our lives, but is there a point where we can have to much money? I definitely feel like there is. I feel like when you have to much money it can effect the family structure and cause problems within the family. It can turn from, what can I do for you to what do I want. A child raised in a family that has a big house, with nice cars, always gets what they want will turn out differently than a child who was raised poor and has had to work to obtain money to live. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I feel that it all comes down to principles. How you raise your child based on those principles, rich or poor, can determine how your children turn out. I was raised in a middle class family I feel like, and we had a nice house and good cars and extra money to do things with, but we weren't really rich. Plus, I had a wonderful mother who taught me the difference between right and wrong and who also taught me a good work ethic, that I needed to work if I wanted money to spend. I had it pretty easy, but she raised me righteously and taught me correct principles and let me govern myself. I am grateful for a wonderful mother and for her righteous influence. I feel like throughout the years my family has been from to bottom to the top and have been through a little of everything and I think that is what has shaped us to be the people we are today.
What is the purpose of family? To support, to accept and love unconditionally no matter what, to help you learn and grow and become a wonderful person. I feel we have a family to help us accomplish all of these things individually. As we grow we can become more loving and accepting of each other or we can take the opposite road, all depending on how we are raised and if we put our social class above the family.
In my opinion, I feel that money is a necessity, we need to to have a roof over our heads, to provide us with nourishment, to pay our bills and to help us accomplish many things in our lives, but is there a point where we can have to much money? I definitely feel like there is. I feel like when you have to much money it can effect the family structure and cause problems within the family. It can turn from, what can I do for you to what do I want. A child raised in a family that has a big house, with nice cars, always gets what they want will turn out differently than a child who was raised poor and has had to work to obtain money to live. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I feel that it all comes down to principles. How you raise your child based on those principles, rich or poor, can determine how your children turn out. I was raised in a middle class family I feel like, and we had a nice house and good cars and extra money to do things with, but we weren't really rich. Plus, I had a wonderful mother who taught me the difference between right and wrong and who also taught me a good work ethic, that I needed to work if I wanted money to spend. I had it pretty easy, but she raised me righteously and taught me correct principles and let me govern myself. I am grateful for a wonderful mother and for her righteous influence. I feel like throughout the years my family has been from to bottom to the top and have been through a little of everything and I think that is what has shaped us to be the people we are today.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
This week in my family 160 class we talked a lot about family rules and family systems and the way the family is setup. In a proper family the parents are the closest with an open set of boundries around them, then surrounding them they have the children and in this system the family works together to accomplish everything. They have family councils, they solve problems together and there are boundries of which are known and followed by all members of the family while having fun and enjoying life = THE ULTIMATE FAMILY SYSTEM!!!
As I mentioned, we also talked a lot about family rules that each family has. I particularly remember one rule my family has that has gotten me in trouble a lot of times and that is always being polite. I am from the south, and in the south the children say 'yes ma'am' 'no ma'am' and 'yes sir' and 'no sir', please, thank you, and you always be nice to your elders and to your parents when they tell you to do something. Now, when you don't do those things you can get in trouble and get a sweet little smack or grounded forever!! I remember this one time when my sister and I were riding in the car and we were in the back seat and on the ride my sister and I had to burp, well, when we decided that we couldn't hold it in anymore we let it out and I ended up getting in trouble but it taught me to be polite and to have better manners, because as we all know it is not polite to burp out loud, especially for a girl to do so....it was a pretty funny experience and when I look back I just laugh. There have been many other times that I got in trouble for not being the most polite person but it taught me a great deal about how our family works. Another family rule we have is 'do not interupt....at all!' When my mom was talking or when she was on the phone, if we ever interupted her we would get the look of death! Every mom has that look, it is the look that says, 'if you don't stop now you are in big big trouble mr.' yea, that look! i would get that one a lot just because I was a child that liked my moms attention when she was on the phone. I wasn't very patient back then :)
I really enjoyed this weeks discussions because I got to look into my family a little bit more and remember some funny memories that give me a good laugh here and there.
As I mentioned, we also talked a lot about family rules that each family has. I particularly remember one rule my family has that has gotten me in trouble a lot of times and that is always being polite. I am from the south, and in the south the children say 'yes ma'am' 'no ma'am' and 'yes sir' and 'no sir', please, thank you, and you always be nice to your elders and to your parents when they tell you to do something. Now, when you don't do those things you can get in trouble and get a sweet little smack or grounded forever!! I remember this one time when my sister and I were riding in the car and we were in the back seat and on the ride my sister and I had to burp, well, when we decided that we couldn't hold it in anymore we let it out and I ended up getting in trouble but it taught me to be polite and to have better manners, because as we all know it is not polite to burp out loud, especially for a girl to do so....it was a pretty funny experience and when I look back I just laugh. There have been many other times that I got in trouble for not being the most polite person but it taught me a great deal about how our family works. Another family rule we have is 'do not interupt....at all!' When my mom was talking or when she was on the phone, if we ever interupted her we would get the look of death! Every mom has that look, it is the look that says, 'if you don't stop now you are in big big trouble mr.' yea, that look! i would get that one a lot just because I was a child that liked my moms attention when she was on the phone. I wasn't very patient back then :)
I really enjoyed this weeks discussions because I got to look into my family a little bit more and remember some funny memories that give me a good laugh here and there.
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